Kip! Please don't! You have to stop it...
No one is worth killing yourself over- I've learned that years ago. Hell, quite a lot of people I know have figured that out by now.

I know it's painful, but if it gets out of hand, I think you need help. More than any medicine will do.

As well, these habits aren't going to help anyone but just make things worse. Yes, if you continue, I'll admit, things will get far worse before they get better- but it's well worth not backing out and shutting down life.

I'm really not sure what to say, but I'd like to both hug you in comfort, yet smack you to knock some sense into you.

You're WAY too young to be thinking that life is hopeless. Things are still changing and things will always change. Be ambitious. Yes, it's nice to love someone, but love doesn't consist of dependence nor hurt feelings. If you love her, it'd be enough just to see her happy. It'd be enough to care for her. And it'd be enough to just be your one person and letting her go without shutting yourself off.

You have to snap out of it sometime! This situation is NOT worth throwing your life away- it really isn't!

I love you too much to allow you to think otherwise. What else can I say?

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~WolfPhantom16 and I...
We're better than your BFF Jill.

Oh god Crystal I know. It just hurts so fucking bad and no matter what I do nothing eases it. I used to think people who talked about suicide and wanted to die because they lost someone were stupid and attention seeking but dammit if they felt the way I do right now then I can see what they were getting at.

I love her, and I know that seeing her happy should make me happy, it should be enough and some days it is but sometimes its not. I can't stop thinking about what I could've done, what I could've said that would change anything and make it better. I can't stop thinking negativly and I hold it all back until it floods me like this. I put it off so I can act normal around my friends and family and then let it drown me on the weekends. I don't know what to do anymore.

And it scares me.

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D: I'm really sorry to hear about this. I hope you don't leave dA and I really hope that things heal. I know love hurts. I've been there, and in love. Don't give up though! When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place. Don't worry about the people in your past...theres a reason they didn't make it to your future. I really hope things get better.
xoxoxo,
Jinx

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Hey thanks...

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Sure. :'|

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Well, I'd help, if only I knew how to do it. Just know that I would whenever I can.
But, God, if you felt like giving up, I'll guarentee that you'd be making her feel worse, as well as your friends all over the world.

Baby steps help. I suggest going into something that'll take the situation off your mind. It's what I did with swimming, and when the depression came back, I joined a tech crew that made sets for the school plays. Believe me, I was far too busy to even think otherwise. Talking to someone also wouldn't hurt, if that's not what you do already (doesn't have to be a therapist, because friends make just as good or better therapists, and know you more).

The hurt is going to continue for quite a while. It may even get worse- I'm not lying. But, if you're really motivated enough to stand up against it, you can control your feelings far more than you think, including love.

Who knows? Give yourself some hope- there's always someone for somebody or a life consisting of starting anew/moving on. You're still young, yet. This girl may or may not be the gem of your life, so give yourself a chance to discover that further.

I sincerely do hope you feel better, eventually, but I can understand that it'll be some time before it settles. This is a critical state. And I'm sorry if I sounded so harsh- but try to understand why I'm now coming out and trying to shake you up a bit. I just hate seeing my friends go through things like this, and I know it's hard for me to understand fully when I've yet to compare that between a best friend and someone to mutually love.

It's fine to be scared. Heck, I was. I still am. But now I'm figuring out that I'm in charge of my own life and my own feelings, and when to drop the ball when things are getting out of hand. I learn that what's meant to be is what will lead me to whatever fate, yet I can predetermine the path to that final destination.

I'm not sure whether anything I'm saying is getting through to you, and I already know you still feel terrible. But, I really care about you- so, if you ever need to talk, even just to say hi, I'll try to my peak at best to do what I can when I can.

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~WolfPhantom16 and I...
We're better than your BFF Jill.

I know you care Crystal, and compared to what you al said this will be a short response by I read every word you said. I just... need to find my motivation to get up and start over again I guess.

People keep telling me to hold on, to ride it out but I've been riding it out for 5 years. It's just something new everytime, either building up or replacing the hold. I pull threw and make it all better for myself and then suddenly something else inside me crumbles and I lose someone or something. Its wearing me down.

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Awh Kip, you're a really wonderful person and you don't deserve this hurt. But whatever you do, please, please don't kill yourself. For the sake of your family, your friends, for her sake, and for your own sake. You've been really strong to hold on for so long, please keep pushing on.
I don't understand how it feels. I've never been in love.
Perhaps in time you'll find someone else. You probably will. Life teaches you to move on... but until then, it sure hurts. I lost a very close friendship two years ago, and I was so miserable until I met my new best friend... but the time between it sucked, although my situation was not near as bad as yours.
Whatever you do, don't kill yourself. You're smart, you're talented, you're loved by all your friends, here and I'm sure "in real life". (Who's to say internet life ain't real?) Please, don't kill yourself. Talk to someone- I know it's hard, I have spouts of depression and my parents tell me to talk to them; but even tell a trusted friend- it really, really helps.
Like *iamPURPLE said, baby steps. Getting distracted is very useful. Often when I have nothing to do, I sink into misery, but when you're distracted, especially when you're having fun, it's really hard to feel down.
I wish you all the best, Kip, and hope you don't have to leave dA. I hope things go well. If you need a listening ear, just to rant, there are many of us on here who can hear you out, without offering advice or making comments

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_{wait what}

I wish you luck on your journey, then. Unfortunately, life is built so that there's continuous ups and downs; some we can control and some that are unavoidable. I hate to say it, but teenage angst, as well as a midlife crisis in the future, make situations appear much larger and more severe than they already are, and it seems just hopeless. Nothing is without a solution, and when you get motivated enough, you'll find it.

Don't make the object of what's hurting you the center of your life. Drop the ball and run from it. It seems cowardly, but it's far better than sticking around until the cut gets deeper. Unfortunately, some people find that out too late. Just keep remimding yourself of who's in charge of your actions; emotions are difficult to change, but the longer you manipulate them, the more in control you are.
However, don't try to bottle them in. I mean, don't bawl out in public, but don't keep it in for too long, because then you'll have sessions like these.

Again, if it gets out of hand, talk to someone about it, preferrably someone with a similar situation, who may be able to help with it.

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~WolfPhantom16 and I...
We're better than your BFF Jill.